In 2018 and 2019, for a few months, I kept up a sorta-blog on the Somnolescent gopher known as a phlog. I was pretty apt at keeping it updated (it was just text files after all), but I eventually stopped because things were getting too sad for the entries to be worth reading. Later, the Somnolescent gopher died completely because of a computer failure and the whole thing disappeared.
I have no intention of bringing the phlog back now that I have this scratchpad, even as the gopher comes back online. Nevertheless, I wanted to make the old phlog entries available again; some rather important moments occurred during my writing it, after all. In chronological order…
(Songs that initially accompanied the posts won’t be reposted.)
Finally filled out the rest of my Gopherhole. Enjoying it so far. I like that I can just type anything and it displays exactly how I want it, no stylesheet, no messing around (well, Lynx had a weird bug offsetting lines, but I fixed that by just pushing the text down more). Plus, any kind of file can be delivered through it, even my music and maps. It’s just a cleaner, slicker WWW.
Plus, it gives me a reason to use this copy of Netscape 4 I’ve had lying around, since Lynx on Windows makes me want to wire my dick shut.
The other Somnolians haven’t been as responsive to Gopher, but I didn’t expect them to be. If you’re doing art, it’s nicer to look at a web page than a long list of names. Besides, I’m not technically paying for this one, just the DNS redirection.
On the web front, they’re slowly getting their own sites up, and I’ve been dragging my feet on mine. I’ve built at least six sites this year, off the top of my head. I’m in no rush to build a seventh.
Everyone seems really appreciative of the hosting, though, and I’m excited to see what carrot, one of the Somnolians who didn’t come from Neocities, does with hers. $10/mo is a damn good deal for what we’re getting, and the more people in the collective who build a site and host huge JPGs on it, the more cost-effective it gets. Bring it on, kids.
Music, writing–I need to stop rushing this shit, I’m giving myself a complex (as if the rest of the group doesn’t already do that). I played with drums today. It’s like 2am. Life is fine.mari
I finished up a song earlier; if you like buzzy sirens and songs that wish they were in Commodore 64 games, check my music menu, it’s called “I Don’t Give a Fuck About the New Smash Bros” because my song titles were never gonna win awards anyway and it’s funny to me.
I’m getting very, very close to having a concept and direction on a new aphrodisiac project, and if I step foot on campus with a full-length in hand, the frustration of two years of inactivity will have all been worth it. The album title is likely to piss people off too, but again, it’s funny to me, so I’ll probably go with it anyway. Not like people hating me is anything new around here.mari
Imagine shitting yourself fucking daily over a dude who one time said you have a tiny dick. Imagine talking about that fucking dude constantly, pretending you’re not still assmad about your tiny dick. Imagine combing his shit, picking out little chunks, and pretending he’s the one that’s crazy obsessed and cultish. Imagine, as he’s off like nothing ever happened, continuing to shit yourself, as thirsty as a rabies patient, all while claiming you’re not mad.
Imagine him finding out, coming to talk to you, and you pussying out and then continuing to talk shit where he can’t touch you.
Imagine being that fucking guy.
Bulb’s been around for four years, bitches. It’ll be around for another four.
Oh, also! Finished another song. I’ve had it knocking around since October or so. I’m just crazy motivated to work on music, I guess. Friend compared it to Jazz Jackrabbit of all things, which was flattering. It’s also got a pretty sweet tone change in the third half. It’s called “They Could Be Fascist Anarchists…”, and you can find it in my music menu as always.
“Anarchists” is one of my longer songs to date. Definitely feels like a bit of an odyssey, with the three separate parts that reuse bits of each other. Definitely new territory for me, but still, proud of it. I’ll be revisiting it in a couple days to punch up the mix some more, same as I did with “Another Break in the Pattern”.
I think that’s it for the bangers for this new record. Next demo will probably be a lot more ambient. Gotta work on my soundscapes–trying to mix this next record up more.
I’m taking it easy, maybe. Got some stuff to write for friends, new 3DS stuff to play through, and, of course, another site to launch soon. Christmas was warm, fuzzy, anxious, sticky, and busy, and I’m about ready to sleep it off.mari
Boy, I disappeared for a bit, didn’t I? Today was Capy’s birthday, and I was super adamant about having something for her. That ended up being the second part to Darkpenny, Sebastian’s (of Districts fame) ongoing quest to find a fried, addled little kitty he used to know. I’ve had how it all went down planned for a couple days now, but waiting around and not being sure how to make it happen caused me to spend all of today on it.
All turned out well. Capy absolutely loved it, even if the ending ruined her a bit (in a good way). I’ve got a hell of a part three lined up that I’m looking to start in the next few days, and it’ll end everything off nicely. Seb, Kevin, and Penny get the good ending, rest assured. Especially Kevin.
(And of course, there’s the site I’m launching soon…1/1/1998+1. Wait for it.)
Waiting around a bit to get back into music. I have a lot of inspiration and a bunch of sounds I wanna follow up on. Hopefully this bodes well for the next aphrodisiac record having a good variety of sounds, tempos, and things to bop to. Don’t want them all to be bangers.mari
1998+1 is here. Spent New Year’s goofing around with friends, as usual, but you could do a lot worse than that, really. Got to Failurepost, so that’s always fun.
My new site’s finally up, and I can finally breathe again. I’ve had this thing knocking around since October or so, and it’s the last project of mine with a proper deadline. As of today, I have absolutely nothing concrete left hanging over my head. I’m not buried anymore, and that’s a really nice feeling. I spent all of last year just rushing from thing to thing, and it might be my speed, but maybe it shouldn’t be my speed. I’d ideally like to not get itchy and nervous every time the room gets quiet.
Planning to take it a lot slower this year. Listen to more music (was trying out some Stereolab stuff yesterday), play more games (Captain Toad is fucking nuts and a lot of fun and it makes me wanna make levels again), focus more on school, try to meet more people, and stop getting mad on the internet. Write more, too.
Oh, and more Gopher. Still love this stuff. Netscape has an actual use again, can you believe it?mari
“It’s not as if Colton wanted a reminder of how he destroyed what little he had. It’s not as if he wanted a reminder of his bad decisions in every icy step, as he dragged himself barefoot through the snow, old, light clothes barely keeping piercing winds at bay. He heard chimes somewhere, and a soft voice whispered through the current. It didn’t have much nice to say, as the raccoon expected, but he listened anyway:
And you will fall apart again
And that’s how you’ll know
That you strayed too far.”
I’ve been sitting on my proudest track to date, a reprise of Ghostgrove Point. This one’s way less punky than they’ve come so far; proper chords-lead-counter structure, layering, softness, melody, good use of the stereo field, as someone in Brad Sucks’ chat pointed out earlier–I’m super proud of it.
Check it out in the demos section of my Gopherhole. It marks about the halfway point of this record being made. Very, very excited.
Happenings with the group are, well, as discombobulated as ever, really. On the plus side, another Somnolian is looking to hop down the Gopherhole, so that’s hype. Not giving up which one just yet. We also have the last Somnolian to make a site on the cusp of doing so, so doubly hype.
As always, feel free to explore; the space is always growing and shifting.mari
Never a dull day around here, especially not when I have songs to finish! New one over in the demos section of my Gopherhole, called “Abduction”. It’s unlike anything I’ve done so far, a big, long, fucked up drone piece that’ll serve as the mid-album respite from the heavy drums and exquisite songwriting on display so far.
Slappin’ Tunes for Slappin’ Troons will be the name of the new album. Hopefully out soon. I still have a few tracks to write for it, but it’s gonna slap. It fuckin’ will. (The name, like everything else about this album, is merely for amusement. You probably shouldn’t slap troons, but if you do, I’ll probably laugh, so fair game.)
Beyond that, I’m really just avoiding tying up loose ends with the Darkpenny saga and dodging bullets here at home. I’ve been making good on playing through my new 3DS games, and I’ll probably start Shovel Knight tomorrow since I hear that was pretty good. Will keep you updated.mari
It’s been mostly cleanup around here today. Trying to knock my five or six email addresses down to two max and get rid of a ton of accounts I don’t really need or use anymore. I got to delete my old Google account finally, and the Somnolescent Neocities account. Nice bit of closure going into this year.
This was all spurred on by me waking up to my Conglom-O box disappearing. In short, I had an account on a public FTP server called Conglom-O, and the little dickweed that runs it got the entire thing shut down for data limits, and now my stuff is gone. This also means that the VDU@IceQuake mirror no longer works, because the tools were hosted there. Thankfully, I had the tools saved locally. Good fucking thinking on my part, Christ. Need more backups of this shit.
Even better is how he reset the password to the IceQuake Neocities account (after I changed it because he deleted the fucking site in an incredible fit of autism), so I didn’t even have a copy of the guides I wrote or anything. So much for it being a reliable mirror. I scraped the entire site with wget and now I have to decide where I’m stashing it.
I’m thinking about making all that shit plain text and hosting it on my Gopher server now, plus Dreamhost for insurance. I’m never relying on private hosting ever again. If I can’t hold someone accountable with my money, it’s not worth a goddamn to me.
Really nothing else exciting to talk about. Things are still shifting behind the scenes here on Gopher and on the site, and we’re all suddenly really hype to reboot and rework Calelira, but nothing concrete. Darkpenny is still kinda stalled. Real life is still kinda awful.mari
Last night, I had a breakthrough.
Real life stuff has been slowly eating away at me, but after a week of just the fucking works, something–changed, for a little bit. I was two weeks into the noisy past, still on my shit, bravado loud, head high. I felt fantastic again. I could put everything aside and get one last big push on any project I felt deserved it, before the morning came and I was back to disintegrating.
That’s how Darkpenny 3 got written. (You’ll wanna read it before you go any further into this post, so do check my Writing and Prose menu for it.)
Darkpenny 3 has been one of the most challenging and satisfying things I’ve ever written, and it’s all because of a miserable little raccoon guy I wrote about in one of my earlier phlog entries: Colton. Colton has put me through my emotional paces like no other character has. Colton was born out of pure giggly mischief and ended up wearing me out just thinking about him.
I’ve already told most of this to the other Somnolians, but I’m putting it here nonetheless, because he’s on my mind a lot. I think he’s my favorite OC to date.
Darkpenny, as ridiculous as it is, has largely been an experiment in writing more emotional scenes. I’ve long had issues with my emotions and dealing with heavier ones, and it affected my writing badly. I just didn’t want to see anything bad happen to my characters, and anything heavy and overwhelming, I ended up glossing over. Made for some pretty dull stories.
As I’ve matured, though, I’ve been trying my hand at really turning the screws on some of these guys, to increasing success. Problem is, I have friends with knives at my throat and tablet pens in hand, and if I hurt any of our prized Pennyverse OCs, I wasn’t gonna like what I saw. I promised around the second part that the group would see a good ending anyway, so I had to deliver.
Colton came to me in pieces. I wanted to create a character that the group would love all the same, but someone I could hurt. A fall guy purpose-built for making Darkpenny 3 a fittingly messy end to what started from in-jokes. I had the plot planned out before the character. The species came next–Carrot suggested a raccoon. Then the name–Colton. Took it half at random, half from an awkward but nice dude I kinda knew on campus.
I could see him, and oh, how he’d suffer. A bit of him ended up in the January 4th phlog entry, just to see who’d notice and ask. (No one, apparently!)
Then, as I sat thinking about the details, he just–started wearing on me bad. This wasn’t gonna be a nice end for him. There were no friends for Colton to come home with, no warm house. Nothing. The entire plot was centered around taking the one thing this guy got after years of struggling. Some people would take glee at inflicting that kinda pain on their characters–it wasn’t gleeful for me. It wasn’t even an accident; I built this story to hurt Colton.
(Yes, I know he’s fictional. Not the point.)
He got to me. I saw things in him that I see in me, or I see in the people around me. He’s a dweeb. He’s horribly anxious. He talks funny. He’s been burned badly by things. He wants to be affectionate, but no one gave him that chance (aside from Penny, who he ends up hurting).
Best of all, I couldn’t tell Capy or Neo, absolutely the people most into how this whole thing’s developed, and I was holding up the official end to the story, and the start of the proper, lighter Pennyverse stuff, in the process. Got overwhelming. I turned back to my music and back to Calelira, but I knew I wanted Darkpenny 3 done before I went back to college.
Aside from the intro scene, which was written a day after the second part, everything came to me last night, in one big marathon writing session. Not counting Discord texts, I had written 4,000 words that day, between both Darkpenny 3 and the quest I’ve been doing with Capy. A record for me, for sure. When it was all said and done, I came out with two hours of sleep and a story I spent most of this morning anxiously waiting to post.
Certainly still a lot of feelings about it from me and from friends. Good feelings, sad feelings, drawings and doodles being passed around and talked about, all of it. I’m super proud of it. I got exactly what I was pushing for: a messy, feelsy end to start something new off. I’ve never really been out to be a technically amazing writer. I wanted to see if I could evoke things in people, and let them see what I’m seeing. See if I could make them feel the things a really emotionally-charged drawing or song ends up conjuring in me.
Apparently, I did it. And given that I keep reading bits of it and peeking at the sad little drawing Capy did of Colton, I guess I do it to myself too.mari
I don’t have any fun stories to tell or things to vague in this. I’m drained and sad. Two different people I invited into this group and put a lot of time into and cared about have proven they either hate me or only wanted me so I could fix their problems for them. Another person ignored my warnings and leaked logs from the server. This is the second time they’ve done this.
Enthusiasm’s drained. Somnolescent’s down two people now. I hate this.
All you had to do was be honest, guys.
I guess for what it’s worth, I now have a toyhou.se and Capy and I are officially a thing now. If you wanna see a bunch of drawings of Cammy, who’s now my “proper” sona instead of mari (the Flareon), have a peek, they’re adorable: https://toyhou.se/3423022.cammy
I’ll be more enthused about all that some other time. I’m going to sleep.mari
Surprisingly not the first time I’ve had to make a statement to someone I know is stalking my Gopherhole, but here goes:
Remember that you came at me first, being bitchy about my relationship and unfriending me. I give as good as I get. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t refer to her as pussy constantly, since you know, I don’t think with my dick like you do. I don’t give a fuck how long you’ve stuck by me, you’re not flinging shit at me or people I care about and getting away with it. I don’t know if you think she’s replacing Brianna, since you worded it funny, but she’s really not. Stop using my friends as messengers, you have my email. Give me a month and try being vaguely fucking pleasant to the people who put up with you. Thanks.
Now leave me the fuck alone.
Hey, better news now!
I was finally able to get rid of that dumb placeholder site design I’ve had up since I bought hosting and replace it with something I actually like. Before, I wanted “old”, but had no real direction for it. It was just an EGA color palette thrown on top of this cramped little scrolling layout that just didn’t look great or work great, and I knew I wanted something better.
And now, I got it. I copied a lot of design cues from classic Mac OS, notably the Platinum theme and the stripes and font, and came away with something I like a lot and something friends like a lot too. Plus, there’s a ton more to explore now. Decided to do something very un-mari-like, which is have a links page in lieu of actual CONTENT. Honestly, felt good. Sharing is caring when you’re out on your own hosting. Hopefully, you get an idea of some of the sites I frequent from it.
The Gopher Information Repository will be worked on in the future. Right now, I’m doing a lot of research into clients with dcb, and with my current writing projects (did I mention Pennyverse is on toyhou.se now?) and school, it’s slow goings. Not a huge priority, but I will get it up eventually. No rush.
Now that stuff with the group is coming to a relatively mild room temperature again and the weather across the east coast and midwest is looking frosty as all fuck, I’m better than I’ve been. Hoping to write some good shit and keep up with the phlog entries. Hopefully more positive phlog entries too.
Feels like I just went through my own Darkpenny, and no matter how many edgy, dysfunctional Tumblr kids wanna call it saccharine, I’m off to Apricot Bay, and so is Capy. Good thing I bought all this pudding, I cannot fucking wait.Cammy
Been unspooling as of late. So many plans, so much riding on the future. All the softness in the world. Didn’t think it was possible for someone to get me quite like this, especially when I’ve never even seen them in person.
Being in deep is fucking weird, especially when she’s in another country.
Most of the rest of my time lately has been spent playing catchup on schoolwork and playing SimCity Classic on Mini vMac. Again, all these plans, and as of late, I’m just dazed. Group happenings are splintered. My heart’s elsewhere.
One thing I can say is that this year should be pretty eventful for my longtime music project, aphrodisiac. Got plans to remaster both EPs and combine them into an official full-length debut, followed by Isolated Together (which is the record all those demos were for), and then a warmer textured ambient record planned for later in the year. This might be the year I really pursue music.
I don’t talk about Silversun Pickups too often anymore, but they were once my favorite band in the whole damn world, and even today, they’re pretty up there. I think this one has some of my favorite lyrics from them. Swoon-era Pickups are best Pickups, and this is indisputable.
Speaking of plans, need to get back to work on that Pickups fansite…Cammy
It’s late and I’m exhausted. A good exhausted for once. Busy day.
Today was the fourth anniversary of Calelira becoming a thing. I’ve started a new worldbuilding blog about where I’ll ramble about whatever I’m overhauling with it and all that good stuff. First post explains the history (real-world) of Calelira and my plans for it going forward. Go find it in my Writing and Prose menu.
Given some recent happenings (I’m talking with Brianna again), might see a Caleliran rennaissance happening this spring, and I, for one, can’t wait. It’s been a big part of my life for quite a while, and it deserves a second wind. I’m excited to take it where it needs to go, and bring the rest of the group on board this time too.
Beyond that, February’s looking way better than January. Got to sit in on a couple guys shooting a music video, so that’s been fun. Hopefully I can actually make some goddamn friends around here soon. About time. (Plus, maybe future music collaborator? Would be nice to actually write and perform with someone. Gah, dunno, all maybes. But really nice maybes.)
Group happenings are slowly returning to normal. New guy in there as of late. Seems cool, fairly quiet. He randomly found our site and added me on Discord and, after he started asking about the group, I invited him in. (I can kinda see who will fit in and who won’t, and he seemed like a Somnolian to me. Famous last words.)
The color’s slowly coming back to Neo’s face too. Get well, pink bitch.
I have no clue where people are finding the site, but if the Kiwi Farms thread is any indicator, seems like a lot of them are still coming from Neocities. It’s so strange looking back at it. I don’t feel like the same person who tore that up. Now, I just see a bunch of sad degenerates whenever I peek back in.
Not like I’m much better, but at least I’m writing happier shit now.
Capy comes back from her trip Friday. Can’t. Fucking. Wait.Cammy
Welcome back to my phlog, everyone.
I pulled down my old phlog at the start of February because I was miserable and had absolutely nothing good to write about whatsoever. Shit was getting flung at me from every direction by stalkers, lurkers, and people I’d considered my close friends and family. Bad scene. Bad scene.
Went underground (under the underground, I guess) with Capy and healed a bit. I can safely say, without a doubt, out of everyone involved in the breakdown, we came out on top. The troons are pretending and failing to be all lovey and creative, Jimmy’s a spooked alcoholic, and prengle’s been reduced to bragging about the time he said he was really good at haunting me on a voicemail.
mariteaux continues to be always right and an absolute chad.
I think it’s about time to bring the phlog back. I won’t be doing the song thing anymore because picking songs to go with a quick ramble is kind of a pain and it took up more space than it was worth. The rest is a-go.
Onto the actual news…
The new Gopherhole is finished! I realized that the vast majority of my old hole was stuff I threw together the weekend our server went up. Now that I’ve used Gopher more, I have a different mindset on how I wanna have mine put together. No informational selectors, just links. Menu Gopher. Pure.
I didn’t wanna just transfer out the menu text into text files either, so I took some time and rewrote stuff and and made it a little simpler and I’d say more fun to browse. Two new album reviews too, from my archives, both Jonathan Ian records. Have a looksee, see what you think.
Currently a little lost with my creative stuff. The plan was to get back to writing after my album dropped (btw, my album dropped :blobmaripeek:), but that’s just causing more aggravation for everyone involved. Blindsided me, really. I do have plans to go back to Calelira and maybe start mapping again, so all is not lost.
Capy and I continue to be soft as shit.
And of course, my new favorite part of the week, streaming! I stream regularly now, Wednesdays and Saturdays at 6pm EST on YouTube. I’ve wanted to make these a regular thing for a long time, and now’s the right time to do it. If you wanna come hang out and listen to me be autistic about PS1 games or talk shit about people who may or may not be in chat, I’m mariteaux on YouTube. Link’s in my outposts on my site. Tonight’s a stream night, soooooo~
Missed rambling here, honestly. Everything’s on the up.Cammy